motherhood

Raising a Human

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I woke up this morning with the overwhelming realization that I’m raising a human. Society covers up this fact for new parents with baby showers, congratulation parties, fun toys and the general gist that EVERYONE can do this, and it’s fun! Yay! It wasn’t until this morning that it really hit me (five months since my son was born) that I am raising a human. Yes, I know he’s a.) human and b.) I’m raising him. It was the deeper implications of that. The bone jarring realization that he will be a human that will someday vote. A human that will buy groceries for his family and be a partner to someone. A human that will make judgements based on his upbringing. Based on the things that I teach him. Based on the things that his father shows him. Holy shit. We have a lot of work to do.

I had been lamenting over the last few weeks that I’m not getting enough time for my writing (which reminds me of that line in Beaches where Bette Midler says, “Me. Me. Me. But enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think of me?”). Since I work from home and raise my baby from home – it should be easy to find time, right? Not unless your schedule is as tight as bedsheets on a military bunk on inspection day. And even then the soldier can rebel and your schedule is sent skittering sideways. I’d like to be able to garden, cook (as in make bone broth, butter, ghee, cream cheese from raw goats yogurt, homemade cashew cheeses and miso fermented dips…), schedule weekend getaways, throw parties, clean my house, write and update my blog on a daily basis. And be super mom. I can do all of those things but not any single one of them with any great aplomb. There are too many things on my plate. To fix this I do just a little bit of each of them on a (nearly all of them) daily basis. Cook, write, garden, clean, make milk, baby raise. It’s exhausting. This morning’s epiphany though clears my mind.

I have a human to raise. Sure he’ll need a well adjusted mom and he can tag along when I cook and garden. Solitary time to do my work is what I’m after and I’ll have it someday soon. Like when he goes to school to pick up bad habits, times tables and social interaction. Until then I’ll savor my snippets of time during the day to accomplish the things that are REALLY important. I suppose that’s what they mean when they say that babies make you realign your priorities and focus on what’s really important. I ain’t got time for nothin’ else.

First priority? Raise human.

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