The Babysitter

It’s begun. The epic trip into Having Someone Else Look After Your Child. The place every mother both dreads and looks forward to.

I’ve realized early on that anything associated with children can be turned into a money making venture. Take for example cloth diapers. Cheapest thing on the planet right? No. There’s a company out there who (Ragababe) charges close to forty dollars a diaper and still can’t figure out a way to produce enough diapers so they don’t have shortages. Every. Single. Time. It’s sold out in seconds. They even have announcements on their Facebook page on when they’ll be selling, which feels like hype. Several years have gone by and they still are unable to keep goods in stock. Still haven’t figured out a way to ramp up production. Which, feels like: A.) They don’t want to be in business long term, B.) They are artificially keeping production low to keep prices high or C.) Have no idea how to keep up with growing demand of the entire populace of the world suddenly overnight wanting all of their diapers. Their used diapers have gone for $100+. It’s a dirty, ugly, scrappy money grubbing world they’re in. Seriously though, B is a great option for the business’s bottom line and the owner has been quoted as saying that she’s “definitely in the right business!” *ca-ching!* Okay, I added the last part. But truly, taking advantage of mommies (and their pocket book) is a lucrative business.

Finding a sitter is the same. Online sitter services soothe the worried mother’s soul by offering background checks and motor vehicle checks and Nice Person checks. So you register with their service, “It’s FREE!” and you scroll through all the applicants, you post your ad for A Lovely Unicorn Sitter and you get loads of interest and you go to respond to the first Lovely Unicorn Sitter, then BLAM! “That’ll be $75 to respond.”


Yes, $75 if you’d like to respond to them. Oh, and if they put their phone number in the response that’s x’d out. It’s like you’re on an 18 and over site but you’re just 16.

Naturally like any red blooded Scot , I said “Screw that! “(you thought I was gonna say American, let’s be realistic, any red blooded American would have slapped down a credit card and screamed, GIVE ME WHAT I WANT!) and tried Craigslist. Craigslist is scary. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve craigslisted with the best of them, but that’s for GOODS. Services on craigslist sometimes seems like it’s been mis-categorized. Like, “Babysitting in my home! Hourly rates available!” Or the desperate, “Can work anytime, any hours!” And of course there’s the, “In Home Daycare —> CLEAN”  That always bothers me, “clean.” Why do we have to delineate that out? Why is that on the list of attributes to your place? It’s like, should we also delineate that there’s breathable air? “Daycare —> CLEAN, BREATHABLE AIR, NO MURDERS.”

Ideally I’m looking for someone who can be better than me in a babysitter. Someone who’s going to come in, click with my son, do the dishes, fold the laundry, make my bed, prep dinner, all the while carrying my son in his Ergo while doing Mensa flashcard drills with him. Is that so hard to find?!

It is. But, to that person: I’ll find you. I’ll find you where ever you are and I’ll pull you from your nice life. I’ll shower you with pretty words and force you into my home. Shove my son onto you, demand perfection and promptly pay you two dollars more than minimum wage for three hours of work. Bliss!

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